look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
