I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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