I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
