Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
