I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my being single is dangerous.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
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I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The air was thick with penises
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Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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