Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
