i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
