I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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