I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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