You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
