So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
