he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dignity is for republicans.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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