Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
being pregnant is like rehab
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
