We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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