he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
