Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
