Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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