Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
