the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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