If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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