my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
