Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
