i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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