How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
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Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
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I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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