i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
