He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Blood and glitter go together right?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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