I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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