I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
