I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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