i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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