She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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