It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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