Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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