This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
