I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
