I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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