You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
