I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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