I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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