I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
