I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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