I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
