I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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