last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
