I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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