So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
