I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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