He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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