....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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