I cannot find my penis.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
