As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
