he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
