It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
