the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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