phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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