WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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