How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
