in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
