Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
