Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
