walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I will pee on everything he values.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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