trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
